Since I'm in seach for a new job and a new life technically, I started thinking about what I really want to do. Profession wise. And it came to me, just like that. Not just like that, this is something that I always wanted but didn't pursue thoroughly. I want to become an editor. I started in 2006 and studied Nordic Languages, Swedish at the UNiversity in order to get a degree in Swedish to become and editor. But I really hated that course and Swedish too. I was boring and kind of difficult. So naturally I failed the course and my dream was put on the shelf in the closet until I was back seaching for happiness. Instead I applied for a course in English but didn't even go to the first class. Instead I worked at the theatre to earn money and started to re-think my goals. I was thinking of biomedical engineering, psychology, business and yes, I turned to business. But you all know, probably not, that I ended up with Media and Communication as a major and now a degree in. So I'm almost there.
So what do you do when you know what you want to do?
Step 1: You google: how to become and editor
I quit my job today.
I've been working there almost full time for more than 2 years and been loyal to the company for almost 10 years. It was time.
I should have done this years ago, but I was retaredly slow. I became comfortable with having a fairly steady income and was just living life in a mildly destructive way.
It is time for me to start living again. I was dead for more than 2 years. I can't remember much of 2014 except that I was working, sleeping, hanging out with colleagues and that's about it. Oh, I got my first own apartment, yay!
2015 was a long year. I can't remember much except that I worked, slept, hung out with colleagues and yeah, that's about it.
As time goes by I see a pattern. I'm slow. I cope and just move on with my feet in mud and then it hits me how miserable I am and I realise that I let myself go and should have picked up the paste a bit sooner. This is the second time this happens.
The good thing is that I always land on my feet, so it bodes well. My plan is to first get some air. Apply for jobs, Get my identity and life back. Find out what I want from life. Find the through line.
I wrote a blog post on my collab blog ginger & chives about how I want to get back to nature. I really do. Perhaps this should be a diary on how I try, fail and succeed. I want to start living without distractions, write and read more, doing nature stuff like hiking, climbing, being close to the ocean, live on the bare essentials.
detox from the Internet and my computer
go hiking in nature
write 2 hours/day
paring down . the most essential - no distractions
This is the kind of movie that makes me want to buy a TV with some kind of player for films. This is the kind of movie that makes me want to stay inside and decorate my apartment until it's as beautiful as theirs. This is the kind of movie that makes me realise that I'm almost 30 but I still feel like 11 or 8. Watch this movie because it's the best.
I wanna meet someone who loves food and is a great cook so I can eat well.
He tells me stories every night so I can sleep.
I can do the dishes and he can do the laundry.
I will make playlists and so will he so we can listen to music while we clean.
when was the last time you felt overwhelmed with excitment?
What were five other (different) experiences like this?
Why were you excited each of those times?
Which experiences were you excited about for the longest period of time?
Was there a common thread among the things that excited you?
What did excitement look like? (How did your physiology change in these situations? How was your posture? Your facial expressions? Your breathing? Your heart rate? What else was happening with your body?
To write, to be a writer, I have to trust and believe in myself as a speaker as a voice for the images. I have to believe that I can communicate with images and words and that I can do it well. A lack of belief in my creative self is a lack of belief in my total self and vice versa -- I cannot seperate my writing from any part of my life. It is all one. When I write it feels like I'm carving bone. It feels lke I'm creating my own face, my heart - a Nahuátl concept. My soul makes itself through the creative act. It is constantly remaking and giving birth to itself through my body. It is learing to live with la Coatlicue that transforms living the Borderlands from a nightmare into a numinous experience. It is always a path and stat to something else. Thlilli, Tlapalli
She writes while other people sleep. Something is trying to come out. She fights the owrds pushes them down, down, a woman with morning sickness in the middle of the night. How much easier it would be to carry a baby for nine months and the expel it permanently. Theses continueous multiple pregnancies are going to kill her. Xóchitl in Cuícatl is Nahuátl for flowers and song, flor y canto
The more I think of it the more I think it's a tremendous idea I love the idea of having a place I want to go everyday I want the connection, the excitement, I want to be challenged, even needed. I'm loyal, trustworthy and good in a crisis.
This is what I took away from the Intern.
I also got inspired to create, to get to know myself a bit better.
Dress better, be more as my role models - my grandma and my ma'.
Relax, be calm - do the right thing.
Be present and show them your stunning you.
Bill Nighy, Diane Keaton, Coco Chanel, Dorothy Parker, Ben Whittaker.
Simple questions, listen and sometimes just repeat what they say and then they figure things out.
Develop to the elegant woman you are.
Take care now.
Stay classy, stay strong, be nice.
Have you noticed when your friends get partners you suddenly became downgraded to weekday friend? These days you're not prioritised as a person you can spend time with on the weekends you're only suitable for weekdays, whenever you'll fit into their busy schedule.
It's a pattern I've noticed and it's not that I don't think they deserve partnership and love, but what about the partnership we shared? The love between us friends?
There are some friends who balance their time well between partners and friends, not everyone's like this, it's just something I've noticed lately.
So what do you do? Well, I see it as when it comes to what really matters, are you there for me when it counts? Well, then we can be friends. But are you there for me only when it's an okay time for you? Then fuck off!
I think Jackie Chan said it best. Or was it Counting Crows?
I've been going through some thoughts in my head and yet I haven't come to a conclusion yet. I've been having these thoughts ever since I was little, and I still haven't come up with any good answer. I saw Irrational Man today and I started thinking about teaching. It didn't help that I was with a friend who's a teacher and the question if I wanted to teach art has come up several times. I'd love being Robin Williams or Julia Roberts teaching young minds, inspiring them to do what they love, teaching something I love - how funny that a Woody Allen movie brought those feelings. Perhaps because I have a romanticizing image of the University. Even though I studied at several Unis I haven't experienced any romanticism. I'm still living in the dream of going to a boarding school wearing uniforms and all that. So I've looked up some masters and the goal would then be to start doing research, my PhD. A lot of thoughts.
Then there's the personality. I think a lot of people see me as a very joyful and enthusiastic person, who jumps around like a rubber ball. Yes, I'm usually very happy on the outside, but there's a very flat and squary part of me that I usually don't let out. I think I need to be more serious at work in order for people to see me as a authority. So far I got the respect of my colleagues from being sweet, nice and hardworking. But it doesn't hurt that I show my more intelligent, creative and serious side. Oh well, let's see what happends.